Resilience is a skill which can be developed over time. There are lots of ways you can support your child to respond to and work through challenges.
Friendships
Having at least one secure friendship is really important for children and young people of all ages.
Learning what makes a good friend
- Support your child to work out what a good friend is by thinking about good friendship qualities and not so good friendship qualities
- Help them to try out ways to make their friendships better
- Talk and think together with them about whether their friendships are genuine
Friends outside school
- Look for opportunities to invite friends to play
- Consider clubs and activities based around your child’s interests
- Encourage them to take part in school social times and activities
When things get tricky
For lots of reasons, friendships can be tricky at times.
- Encourage your child to express their view in an assertive rather than aggressive way
- “You made me feel upset when you said that to me”, rather than, “I don’t want to play with you anymore.”
- Remind them that it is okay to ask an adult to help sort things out
- Support them to see things from a different point of view and talk about how to repair friendships
- “What happened?”
- “How did that make you feel?”
- “How do you think they felt?”
- “What might make it better?”
Social competence
This is how children and young people can take another’s perspective about a situation, learn from past experiences, and use this learning in new situations.
Try, try and try again - practise makes perfect
- Create opportunities for your child to spend time with other children their own age and support them to build these relationships
- You might need to help your child practise their social skills by naming and describing appropriate behaviours - but do try to avoid nagging!
- “You could ask Lewis if he wants to play with you”
Name it to tame it
If we understand our feelings, we deal better with them.
- Name the emotion your child is showing
- Try to give the message that all feelings are okay to feel and show that you understand why they may be feeling that way
- “You seem to be a bit worried about that. We all feel worried sometimes and that’s okay.”
- You can then help them to find appropriate ways to deal with those feelings
- “Maybe we could try….”
Understanding others ‘Why would they feel like that?’
- Explore how other people may feel and how they show their feelings. This could be on a TV programme or in a book.
- Help your child to understand that other children may be feeling just as lonely, confused, or upset as they are in difficult situations
Helping others helps your child
Children who may lack confidence can develop this by helping others.
- Support your child to engage in age appropriate tasks where they can help others. This could be simple chores around the house, helping a younger relative, or volunteering, for example
Positive values
This is the understanding of their own feelings and empathy for others.
Let's Make a Plan
- Model to your child how to plan and problem solve. They might not be able to work this out for themselves
- Think out loud to give your child a clear plan for how to approach a task or activity, including a plan for what to do if they need some help and support
- “What’s the problem?”
- “What do we need to do?”
- “How are we going to do it?”
Praise the Behaviour
- Provide specific praise on your child’s behaviour so they know what they have done well, rather than focusing on the person they are
- “You worked so hard at trying to get that right!” rather than “You are so clever!”
When I grow up I want to be…
- Support your child to identify their strengths and skills
- Try to help them see how they could use these abilities in future jobs
- “I notice you were really patient in helping Sara’s wee brother when he was stuck with his lego. Those are skills you could use in many jobs, like being a sports coach or a teacher.”
Healthy Habits: Children See, Children Do
Make yourself a good example to your child.
- Teach them daily routines for washing and teeth brushing
- Help them to see the importance of making time to eat properly, exercise, and rest
- Be aware of how much screen time you are having and model taking breaks to do other things
Connection
Feeling safe and secure in relationships.
Talking to each other
- Try to use lots of positive body language when you chat to your child, for example smiling and nodding
- Show an interest in what they have been doing
- Look for ways to include your child in joint activities that make them feel helpful and important. This could be writing shopping lists, sorting out toys or clothes, or planning a day out
Relationships with adults
- Encourage your child to have positive relationships with your friends and relatives, school staff, or other people who can support you child
- Help them to find different activities they can do with support from an adult before trying parts of this independently
Feeling safe and secure
Children are most settled when they feel safe and secure.
- Consider setting up routines and respond to them in a predictable way
- Children can realise more than we think – if there are difficult things going on in your life, think about how much is appropriate to share with your child
- Sometimes children need to talk if changes are about to happen, and may need help to plan for any possible difficulties
- If they feel worried, it can help to have calming activities to do at home, such as listening to music, playing a game, or going for a walk
Education
How we show an interest in education shapes how our children feel about it.
Reading for pleasure
- Encourage your child to read anything. This could be when they are out and about in the community, shopping, or at home
- For younger children or reluctant readers, read a bedtime story where you read the story to them, or you share reading or discussion of the pictures
- For older children, help them to find books, comics, or magazines about topics they are interested in
Learning to concentrate
Concentration and attention are important for learning.
- Help your child listen to instructions by breaking the instructions into small steps and asking them to repeat back what they heard
- When asking them to follow instructions, keep them short and easy to understand
- Gradually increase time at joint tasks, such as playing a game or looking at a book
Taking on tasks
- Help them to do school tasks or homework by breaking it into small chunks
- Give them praise based on their effort and how hard they tried
- Encourage them to try part of the job on their own and work out when they need help
When the going gets tough
- Encourage your child to practise things that are difficult for them
- If need be, show them how to do it or do it with them to begin with
- Encourage them to continue trying and praise them for this
- It may help to break the task into chunks and to keep it short
Talent and interests
If possible, support your child to have at least one interest outside of school.
Interests both within and outwith school
- It's important to have hobbies and interests linked to your child’s strengths and to develop their interests. These might be individual, sporting, group activities, or other interests with a social focus
When the going gets tough
It is good to encourage children and young people to keep going with activities even when there are challenges.
- Support from you and others, such as group leaders, coaching, or other young people, is important so that they feel they can keep going.
- Help them to work out a plan for things are tough.
- “I can see this is hard for you. Let’s think about what might help.”
- Break it down into small, achievable steps, starting with the final step
